The Broom of the System

"Now the heavens resound with unkind giggles. Now that it's become undeniably apparent even to me that I have a son who lends to the expression "fruit of my loins" whole new vistas of meaning, that I am here and do do what I do when there is anything to do, when I feel an empty draft and look down and find a hole in my chest and spy, in the open polyurethane purse of Lenore Beadsman, among the aspirins and bars of hotel soap and lottery tickets and the ridiculous books that mean nothing at all, the clenched purple fist of my own particular heart, what am I to say to Rex Metalman and Scarsdale and the sod webworms and the past, except that is does not exist, that it has been obliterated, that footballs never climbed into crisp skies, that my support checks disappear into a black void, that a man can be and is and must be reborn, at some point, perhaps points? Rex would confused and would, as whenever confused, hide his discomfort by dynamiting an area of his lawn. I would stand, cold rake in white hand, knowing that I know, in a rain of dirt and grass and worms, and shake my head at all around me."

I'm only 59 pages in and this is how this books reads, no joke.

Beautiful.

"The greatest lie ever told about love is that it sets you free."

Twice, On Beauty by Zadie Smith was referenced to me this past year, one of which was your blog Caitlin. I just finished the novel (and the next action was to open my laptop) but I really don't know what to write that would accurately describe the thoughts that are running through my mind about this book. This book!, left me speechless at times. How could Smith write such a layered novel involving race, gender, class, and not to mention love (love and beauty is interspersed to mean the same thing at times) in such a way that has me awestruck? I felt myself recalling some courses I took in my college days (thank you UCSD) and also missing my high school days of being one of the art leaders for Academic Decathlon (nerdism, it all started at such a young age).

"Most of the cruelty in the world is just misplaced energy."

Whether you could sympathize with either Howard or Kiki, sympathize with their family dynamics (I know I did) or relate to Carl of wanting to belong and then having the reality of fucked up people pull the rug out from under him, On Beauty goes into depth of characters that could span 3 novels. I can't wait to read more of her work.

PS: I've read tons of other stuff (we shall call them fun summer reads) and then was about to give up on this blog and then read this novel which compelled me to throw some babbles on it again. Greatest feeling that a book moves you that much huh Caitlin?

the perks of being a wallflower

"'Maybe he didn't really encourage me to do things, but he didn't prevent me from doing them either. But after a while, I didn't do things because I didn't want him to think different about me. But the thing is, I wasn't being honest. So, why would I care whether or not he loved me when he didn't really even know me?"'

Yes, I read this book for the first time, at age 29. But I loved it regardless (I'm a huge Salinger fan). And I knew I loved Sam from the first chapter she was mentioned...I felt like I could relate to her in some way, more than I could with Charlie (can't really hate the guy either, though you wish you could tell him to stop crying or give him a hug).

I will also be on the lookout for a copy of Fountainhead as that is the only book mentioned in this novel that I haven't read.

"Books, like all art, breed in us desire."

I know, I know, you're probably sick of me talking about it, but this is why I LOVE TheRumpus.net. And to be honest, it's been a while since I've sat down on a weekend day, with my massive breakfast and coffee to read the website. But articles like this, that seriously move me (I have butterflies in my stomach now) makes me feel that I'm okay. That it's okay that I want to go back to school. It's okay that I want to spend this beautiful spring day by myself to finish my book (A Visit From the Goon Squad). That even if I fall out of love with coffee, I will never fall out of love with reading and books. That I can continue to move for jobs, and stay friendless because I will always have my books (the ones I love keep moving). Okay, now I'm getting stupid but you get the point right?

I have about 100 pages left in Goon Squad and I'm loving it. Egan has an amazing way of letting you really understand the long list of characters without downplaying the importance of all of them, if that makes sense. You know, like the charming people who can make you feel like the-most-important-person-in-the-world at a party but make a dozen people feel that way before you even realize it. I will definitely be seeking out her other books.

The Golden Notebook, no I haven't given up on it yet.

What are you reading these days Caitlin?

Just like back in the day

I've been craving time at Barnes and Noble and Borders lately, which I live by both a few miles apart. It got me thinking about all the time I spent as a young adult/teenager when I would camp out for hours just reading, thinking. Maybe I need to read more, think less.

Writing and reading

Hey there,

I have to say, I had one of the best weekends ever. And that is good to say, especially since I really thought I was going to drive down to Washington D.C. on a whim and then was really bummed when the reality of money/time/work came into play.

I got a pleasant surprise from a talented friend of mine. A package in the mail with a book and homemade soap. Seriously, she is one of my heroes. The book you may ask... was Hector and the Search for Happiness by Francois Lelord. And because my friend is so awesome and because I'm not really feeling the The Golden Notebook yet (I told myself that I would give it to 150 pages before I give up) I started reading it right away and finished within a few hours. And I enjoyed it! It reminded me a little of The Alchemist but in search of ..well, happiness (duh).

It was interesting to have the idea of happiness broken down into a list and formulas. Many of the points I agreed with. The story didn't blow my mind, though it got me thinking (and confirmed a few things as well). This never ending search for happiness isn't pointless, but rather hopeless in a way. I decided that when I have a fleeting moment of happiness, I will try to cherish it. Because in general, I have it pretty good in my life (knock on wood!).

And just to keep myself in check, I started to write again. On anything-whatever pops in my head and though most of it is in stream of consciousness, I'm just gonna go with it. I feel that it's good for me especially now. Much like this blog, har har.

I also started A Visit From the Goon Squad. It is turning out to be a great start (I can't say that about most books I start reading). The novel has characters that work at a record label and it has me nostalgic for my music times in San Diego (no, I never worked at a label, but thought one day I would).

Good Squad Intro

The "introduction" of the novel (Caitlin, help me out? The official term used when authors quote others for the introduction of their novels...)

"Poets claim that we recapture for a moment that self that we were long ago when we enter some house or garden in which we used to live in our youth. But these are most hazardous pilgrimages, which end as often in disappointment as in success. It is in ourselves that we should rather seek to find those fixed places, contemporaneous with different years."

"The unknown element in the lives of other people is like that of nature, which each fresh scientific discovery merely reduces but does not abolish."

This is why I gotta get me some Proust in the near future!