The Broom of the System

"Now the heavens resound with unkind giggles. Now that it's become undeniably apparent even to me that I have a son who lends to the expression "fruit of my loins" whole new vistas of meaning, that I am here and do do what I do when there is anything to do, when I feel an empty draft and look down and find a hole in my chest and spy, in the open polyurethane purse of Lenore Beadsman, among the aspirins and bars of hotel soap and lottery tickets and the ridiculous books that mean nothing at all, the clenched purple fist of my own particular heart, what am I to say to Rex Metalman and Scarsdale and the sod webworms and the past, except that is does not exist, that it has been obliterated, that footballs never climbed into crisp skies, that my support checks disappear into a black void, that a man can be and is and must be reborn, at some point, perhaps points? Rex would confused and would, as whenever confused, hide his discomfort by dynamiting an area of his lawn. I would stand, cold rake in white hand, knowing that I know, in a rain of dirt and grass and worms, and shake my head at all around me."

I'm only 59 pages in and this is how this books reads, no joke.

Beautiful.

"The greatest lie ever told about love is that it sets you free."

Twice, On Beauty by Zadie Smith was referenced to me this past year, one of which was your blog Caitlin. I just finished the novel (and the next action was to open my laptop) but I really don't know what to write that would accurately describe the thoughts that are running through my mind about this book. This book!, left me speechless at times. How could Smith write such a layered novel involving race, gender, class, and not to mention love (love and beauty is interspersed to mean the same thing at times) in such a way that has me awestruck? I felt myself recalling some courses I took in my college days (thank you UCSD) and also missing my high school days of being one of the art leaders for Academic Decathlon (nerdism, it all started at such a young age).

"Most of the cruelty in the world is just misplaced energy."

Whether you could sympathize with either Howard or Kiki, sympathize with their family dynamics (I know I did) or relate to Carl of wanting to belong and then having the reality of fucked up people pull the rug out from under him, On Beauty goes into depth of characters that could span 3 novels. I can't wait to read more of her work.

PS: I've read tons of other stuff (we shall call them fun summer reads) and then was about to give up on this blog and then read this novel which compelled me to throw some babbles on it again. Greatest feeling that a book moves you that much huh Caitlin?

the perks of being a wallflower

"'Maybe he didn't really encourage me to do things, but he didn't prevent me from doing them either. But after a while, I didn't do things because I didn't want him to think different about me. But the thing is, I wasn't being honest. So, why would I care whether or not he loved me when he didn't really even know me?"'

Yes, I read this book for the first time, at age 29. But I loved it regardless (I'm a huge Salinger fan). And I knew I loved Sam from the first chapter she was mentioned...I felt like I could relate to her in some way, more than I could with Charlie (can't really hate the guy either, though you wish you could tell him to stop crying or give him a hug).

I will also be on the lookout for a copy of Fountainhead as that is the only book mentioned in this novel that I haven't read.

"Books, like all art, breed in us desire."

I know, I know, you're probably sick of me talking about it, but this is why I LOVE TheRumpus.net. And to be honest, it's been a while since I've sat down on a weekend day, with my massive breakfast and coffee to read the website. But articles like this, that seriously move me (I have butterflies in my stomach now) makes me feel that I'm okay. That it's okay that I want to go back to school. It's okay that I want to spend this beautiful spring day by myself to finish my book (A Visit From the Goon Squad). That even if I fall out of love with coffee, I will never fall out of love with reading and books. That I can continue to move for jobs, and stay friendless because I will always have my books (the ones I love keep moving). Okay, now I'm getting stupid but you get the point right?

I have about 100 pages left in Goon Squad and I'm loving it. Egan has an amazing way of letting you really understand the long list of characters without downplaying the importance of all of them, if that makes sense. You know, like the charming people who can make you feel like the-most-important-person-in-the-world at a party but make a dozen people feel that way before you even realize it. I will definitely be seeking out her other books.

The Golden Notebook, no I haven't given up on it yet.

What are you reading these days Caitlin?

Just like back in the day

I've been craving time at Barnes and Noble and Borders lately, which I live by both a few miles apart. It got me thinking about all the time I spent as a young adult/teenager when I would camp out for hours just reading, thinking. Maybe I need to read more, think less.

Writing and reading

Hey there,

I have to say, I had one of the best weekends ever. And that is good to say, especially since I really thought I was going to drive down to Washington D.C. on a whim and then was really bummed when the reality of money/time/work came into play.

I got a pleasant surprise from a talented friend of mine. A package in the mail with a book and homemade soap. Seriously, she is one of my heroes. The book you may ask... was Hector and the Search for Happiness by Francois Lelord. And because my friend is so awesome and because I'm not really feeling the The Golden Notebook yet (I told myself that I would give it to 150 pages before I give up) I started reading it right away and finished within a few hours. And I enjoyed it! It reminded me a little of The Alchemist but in search of ..well, happiness (duh).

It was interesting to have the idea of happiness broken down into a list and formulas. Many of the points I agreed with. The story didn't blow my mind, though it got me thinking (and confirmed a few things as well). This never ending search for happiness isn't pointless, but rather hopeless in a way. I decided that when I have a fleeting moment of happiness, I will try to cherish it. Because in general, I have it pretty good in my life (knock on wood!).

And just to keep myself in check, I started to write again. On anything-whatever pops in my head and though most of it is in stream of consciousness, I'm just gonna go with it. I feel that it's good for me especially now. Much like this blog, har har.

I also started A Visit From the Goon Squad. It is turning out to be a great start (I can't say that about most books I start reading). The novel has characters that work at a record label and it has me nostalgic for my music times in San Diego (no, I never worked at a label, but thought one day I would).

Good Squad Intro

The "introduction" of the novel (Caitlin, help me out? The official term used when authors quote others for the introduction of their novels...)

"Poets claim that we recapture for a moment that self that we were long ago when we enter some house or garden in which we used to live in our youth. But these are most hazardous pilgrimages, which end as often in disappointment as in success. It is in ourselves that we should rather seek to find those fixed places, contemporaneous with different years."

"The unknown element in the lives of other people is like that of nature, which each fresh scientific discovery merely reduces but does not abolish."

This is why I gotta get me some Proust in the near future!

Pulitzer

I broke down and bought another book, the Pulitzer Prize winner for literature this year, A Visit From the Good Squad by Jennifer Egan.

The Golden Notebook is dragging a bit...which brings me to the conclusion that I should always try to read multiple books at once for this reason.

I have basketball streamed on my laptop while downloading a ton of rap and reading my books while there is a thunder storm going on. Life is good!

I've been reading I swear!

Though I wasn't sure about my stance on Diary of a Bad Year, it's safe to say I didn't love it since I realized I completely forgot that I read it until I went to write in this blog, ha!

Slowly but surely, I've been reading folks! I finished the last Hunger Games, Mockingjay. I loved it. Though in the beginning I was unsure if I would (the second, Catching Fire being my favorite), but the ending gave the entire trilogy justice. It's action-packed and commanding. And I'm going to do what my friend who bought the books for me did: I won't go into detail about the series, other than recommend reading it. All of them.

I've started The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing. Gonna do my best to finish it by the end of the month but don't hold your breathe.

Books on my mind lately: Pulitzer Prize winners, Catch 22, Feminist Mystique, Berlin Stories. Lets see how many of those I actually read this year.

Ok bye!

Diary of a Bad Year

"17. On having thoughts

If I were pressed to give my brand of political thought a label, I would call it pessimistic anarchistic quietism, or anarchist quietistic pessimism, or pessimistic quietistic anarchism: anarchism because experience tells me that what is wrong with politics is power itself; quietism because I have my doubts about the will to set about changing the world, a will infected with the drive to power and pessimism because I am sceptical that, in a fundamental way, things can be changed. "

Amen! I have about 20 pages left in the book, and I still don't know if I'm a fan or not...so I just carry on.

April means read like a motherfucker.

I finished Jane Eyre...and I loved it again. And I decided I can't make a decision on which I loved more, because then it got me thinking that I should reread Villette again and who has time for that?!

And no Jane Eyre challenge as Vermont is not showing the movie. Boo.

So what am I reading now? Diary of a Bad Year by J.M. Coetzee. The story takes place in three parts that happen simultaneously: the script of the protagonist who is an author, the relationship between the author and his transcriber and then the relationship between the transcriber and her boyfriend. At first I was hesitant because of the first part happens to be very political and right now, I don't want books that make me think that way, but I decided to keep reading. And I can't say I'm regretting it.

I also broke my New Years Resolution and bought a book! More on that later....

Jane Eyre Challenge

After recovering from my Villette heart break, I'm onto the classic, one of my favs of all time (or is it still?)

http://www.goodreads.com/challenges/3-the-jane-eyre-read-the-book-see-the-movie-challenge

Did I mention I FINALLY got a library card?!

And why I love Bronte (aka Currier Bell) even more...this was taken from the Preface of the second edition...

"Conventionality is not morality. Self-righteousness is not religion. To attack the first is not to assail the last. To pluck the mask from the face of the Pharisee, is not to lift an impious hand to the Crown of Thorns". Amen sister.

Villette ending.

I just finished....and I'm very emotional about it.

Why, Bronte WHY?! WHY?!???!?!!?!

I'm so heartbroken right now.

And I'm certain I will die alone.

I haven't felt this much for a book since I read a few of McCarthy.

Damn. I'm gonna go watch the Lakers v. Spurs game now and try to not think about this.

Villette. Still

I know I know, I'm not off to a good start with my reading this year. I'm still reading Villette and I just promised my friend that I will be under house arrest today until I finish it. This whole working 80 hour weeks and then watching basketball has not been good for my reading time.

Here is a passage that I loved...

"How seem in the eyes of that God who made all firmaments, from whose nostrils issued whatever of life is here, or in the stars, shining yonder-- how seem the differences of man? But as Time is not for God, nor Space, so neither is Measure, nor Comparison. We abase ourselves in littleness, and we do right; yet it may be that the constancy of one heart, the truth and faith of one mind according to the light He has appointed, import as much to Him as the just motion of satellites about their planets, of planets about their suns, of suns around that mighty unseen centre incomprehensible, irealizable, with strange mental effort only divined."

Villette continued.

"So this subject is done with. It is right to look our life-accounts bravely in the face now and then, and settle them honestly. And he is a poor self-swindler who lies to himself while he reckons the items, and sets down under the head happiness that which is misery. Call anguish--anguish, and despair--despair; write both down in strong characters with resolute pen: you will the better pay your debt to Doom. Falsify; insert "privilege" where you should have written "pain"; and see if your mighty creditor will allow the fraud to pass, or accept he coin with which you would cheat him. Offer to the strongest--if the darkest angel of God's host--water, when he has asked blood--will he take it? Not a whole pale sea for one red drop, I settled another account."

This is what I've been reading....

And this is why I'm reading it.

http://thehairpin.com/2011/01/books-that-beat-their-iconic-sister-books-jane-eyre-vs-villette/

I'm on Team Bronte and a good friend sent me this link and I took the bait. It's a big book and I've been working more hours than usual and watching more basketball games so pardon the lack of postings.

Here's a piece from my favorite part so far....

"These struggles with the natural character, the strong native bent of the hear, may seen futile and fruitless, but in the end they do good. They tend, however slightly, to give actions, the conduct, that turn which Reason approves, and which Feeling, perhaps, too often opposes: they certainly make a difference in the general tenor of a life, and enable it to be better regulated, more equable, quieter on the surface; and it is on the surface on the common gaze will fall. As to what lies below, leave that with God. Man, your equal, weak as you, and not fit to be your judge, may be shut out thence: take it to your Maker --show Him the secrets of the spirit He gave -- ask Him how you are to bear the pains He has appointed-- kneel in His presense, and pray with faith for light in darkness, for strength in piteous weakness, patience in extreme need. Certainly, at some hour, though perhaps not your hour, the waiting waters will stir; in some shape, though perhaps not the shape you dreamed, which your heart loved, and for which it bled, the healing herald will descene. The cripple and the blind, and the dumb, and the possessed, will be led to bathe."

Top 5 2010

It's hard to believe it's been about a year since I started this blog, half assedly writing about the books I read (did I just make up that word assedly?). I'm glad because for someone who loves to read, I don't really remember what I read whether it was good or bad.

So my list for my favorite books read in 2010, in no particular order.

1. Last Night in Montreal -Emily St. John Mandel
2. American Pastoral -Philip Roth
3. From Hell -Alan Moore
4. Just Kids -Patti Smith
5. Disgrace -J.M. Coetzee

The ones that ALMOST made the list...

-First Fiction (various authors)
-As I Lay Dying -William Faulkner

Here are some friend's lists...

Ms Dani.
The Red and the Black (Stendhal)

Sons and Lovers (D.H. Lawrence)

The Origins of Totalitarianism (Hannah Arendt)

The Second Sex (Simone de Beauvoir)

Jacob's Room (Virginia Woolf)

Rachel
1. Dorothy L. Sayers - "Lord Peter - The Complete Lord Peter Wimsey Stories"
2. Evelyn Waugh - "Scoop"
3. Kazuo Ishiguro - "Never Let Me Go"
4. Charlotte Bronte/Sherri Browning Erwin - "Jane Slayre"
5. Juan Filloy - "Op Oloop"

Julia
Brida by Coelho
Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Diaz
Eleven Minutes by Coelho
Blindness by Saramago
Ishmael by Quinn

Hunger Games

Books from friends, good friends are always better. Ms JJB gifted me the Hunger Games series when I went to go visit her for 'NYC Blizzard Trip 2010!' Until now, I've stayed away from the Young Adult genre. Not because I feel too old or pretentious, but because a lot of them require imagination (don't get me started...). Hunger Games however, keeps it real. And though the plot isn't realistic (government sending kids off to kill each other) I couldn't put this book down.

Katniss Everdeen is the District 12's hero as well as my own. I found myself rooting for the female protagonist. She is loyal, full of heart, not to mention a bad ass hunter. And though the ending wasn't too surprising (Spoiler alert! But come on, there's two other books that follows this series and there's no way the author would kill off the protagonist before) I thoroughly enjoyed this book. And I have the rest ready to go for me! Thanks JJB!

It's not really about biking.

This novel is the closest I ever want to get to a self help book (I think I said that about Eat, Pray, Love as well). Or God. A friend let me borrow it right before my 'NYC Blizzard Trip 2010!'. I have mixed feelings about this book so bear with me through this entry if I contradict myself.

It is a memoir-type book. Donald who is telling his story on how he learned to tell a good story by living a good story. He goes on many adventures and lives a very interesting life. Some adventures included a hike up Machu Picchu (though it was to impress a girl, but hell, he gets the girl), and a cross country bike ride. These are 2 things I thought about one time or another in the back of my mind. I admire him for doing all the great things that he did. And he brought up many good points on how to live life. All great things! But I still didn't like him.

Maybe it was because I didn't like the way he wrote. Maybe because he didn't really live a tragic, crazy life. Or maybe because of all the bible and God references he made. But a lot of the stuff became redundant. And, like the author of Eat, Pray, Love, he got whiny and preachy. He also got me asking myself if I lived a meaningful life (I'm still not sure about my answer).

I'm glad I finished it though.

V is for Very Awesome Comic

Har har.

As an Alan Moore fan, I can't believe it took me this long to read this comic, though the real reason to be honest, I held out so long to buy it used. I really didn't know what to expect, as I didn't have a real concept of what the story was before starting. I knew V was the superhero and I knew (or hoping) Moore would reference pop culture as he usually does in his other works. Both expectations were right on target. The stream of consciousness about the comic can be found in an article Moore wrote about the writing/collaborating process of the V that followed in my copy of the comic best sums up the story itself:


"Orwell. Huxley. Thomas Disch. Judge Dredd. Harlan Ellison's "'Repent, Harlequin!"' Said the Ticktockman." "Catman" and "Prowler in the City at the Edge of the World" by the same author. Vincent Prince's Dr. Phibes and Theatre of Blood. David Bowie. The Shadow. Nightraven. Batman. Farenheit 451. The writings of the New Worlds school of science fiction. Max Ernst's painting "Europe After The Rains." Thomas Pynchon. The atmosphere of British Second World War films. The Prisoner. Robin Hood. Dick Turpin..."

Am I familiar with that entire list? Hell no. But it definitely has me intrigued (especially the name David Bowie...). Don't be surprised if any of those items follow in future blog posts.

Another reason why I might love this comic so much brings me to another tangent: it defined what anarchism is. The first year I moved to D.C. I met a wonderful person named Danielle at a wonderful little coffee shop I worked at, where she introduced me to "radical literature". At the time, nonfiction reading for me meant music history, including my subscriptions to Punk Planet. Before then in college, I was in search of something, this something that I couldn't describe at the time. Perhaps it was a truth or some sort of hope that I could believe in/relate to/learn from. In the stack of books Danielle gave me was Living My Life, by Emma Goldman, both volumes. Now, being a fan of punk/hardcore/whatever-you-want-to-call-it music, the thought of anarchism was a fashion, a statement. And here, here! Ms. Goldman was able to introduce me to what anarchism meant to her and I was fascinated. That was my first taste of anarchism and opened a whole new interest in wanting to truly understand what that stigmatized term meant. Since then, I read countless books, pamphlets, articles about anarchism and years later, in V For Vendetta, I come across the clearest definition that basically sums it all up.

"Anarchy means 'without leaders'; not 'without order'"

Duh.

oh. happy new year.

Hello Motherfuckers!

I miss you. And this blog goes neglected. And will until maybe Saturday when I hope to not be working and hope to read and drink coffee until my eyeballs hurt.

But since it's a new year, self reflection time and all that junk, I decided to share with you my resolution. YES! After saying I don't have one, I totally made one. Ready?

FOR 2012! (oops, it's 2011. I was really tired when I wrote this...)

I will not buy a single book.

That is all. Skeptics (all 3 of you), insert your comments....now!